On A Simple Request


I have a request.

I want to see in a movie, in a TV show, in a webisode, in an HBO special, those moments when you’re having sex and it doesn’t look sexy.
Those times when you’re finally getting going and it’s hitting the right spot or God she feels so tight or fuck he’s doing it right and then…the dick slips out.
Or the condom falls off.
Or you queef.
Or you slip out of position and can’t get it back again.

I want to read a story where two people have an actual negotiation before they start fucking – where instead of the guy saying, ‘Well I am the domliest of dommy doms and you are a natural submissive’ -(side note what the fuck is a natural submissive. Everyone has hard limits.) Two people have an awkward conversation where they have to get over the awkwardness and say so I like this or I don’t like that, and the they’re finding it hard to put into words because societal stigmas and they have to figure it out together.

I want a story that says this is what it actually looks like when people try to navigate sex, because sex ed sure as hell didn’t teach you it, porn and erotica need to stay sexy so you have something to get off on, and it’s this fumbly weird messy thing that can be afuckingmazing or can be complete fucking shit.

I want us to be honest that 99.99999% of the time it is not going to be passionate people in the midst of lovemaking and it’s happening and it’s perfect and women come in this beautiful cataclysmic event (most of the time for women it doesn’t happen during penetrative sex anyways so let’s stop pretending it does.) and then the guy comes looking like he’s just conquered all the pussy in the world.

Let’s talk about all the different types of sex, escape this heteronormative only p&v missionary nonsense, and discuss openly that a) wanting different types of sex is entirely okay and healthy b) maybe not wanting penetrative sex at all is totally okay c) sex is not going to look like how it does in porn, it’s just not d) if something goes wrong, it’s okay. It’s probably not your fault, not your partner(s) fault, not anyone’s fault.
Human bodies are weird.
We need to be able to talk about our wants and our needs and the fact that we can’t always control when we get a hip cramp.

I want a story that says, yeah we tried, but the wind was blowing towards the southwest so we tried x thing but she fell and I couldn’t stop laughing so she hit me with a pillow and that was the end of that.

I want a story where a guy says, you know what, it’s entirely okay that I want to bottom, and screw our societal preconceived notions of ‘twue manhood’ and his partner replies, ‘Cool. I have lube.’

I want a story where people talk. Really, actually talk. So it opens people up to the idea that’s okay to do.

2 thoughts on “On A Simple Request”

  1. Great post. I”ll add my two cents worth – I want to see realistic portrayals of sex in movies etc that show a woman having pleasure from non-penetrative sex, because as you say, the evidence is clear that at least 85% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone. Thanks to Shere Hite (The Hite Report, 1976) and her amazing research with thousands of real women of all ages, plus research that has come after, this is indisputable. And yet why is it that movies aka the media has not caught up with this? Why is it that cunnilingus is the most risky or taboo scene and is most often cut, if it ever existed? Why don’t we see realistic portrayals of women enjoying all aspects of sex, and as you say, see the messy bits where his dick goes limp or he can’t get it in properly or he accidentally came too soon, or she needs extra lube? And as for the discussions about safe sex, that’s a whole other topic!

    Liked by 1 person

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